Charlie Sheen‘s estranged (and arguably deranged) ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, has been up to some crazy shenans this week. She’s obviously out to show the world that she’s cleaning up her act, in order to retain custody of the children she birthed with loony toon, Sheen…
Brooke Mueller: Drugs Aren’t Gonna Buy Themselves
The first sign that Brooksy took the short jump into the pits of insanity, was her attempt to sell a stereo and a pricey men’s watch to a pawn shop in Inglewood, CA, early Thursday morning. Not surprisingly, TMZ got their grubby little hands on the pawn shop’s surveillance footage, showing Brooke looking all nervous and fidgety. Nothing like a hearty bowl of crack cocaine to start your day…
Poor Brooke couldn’t convince the pawn shop to buy her goodies, ’cause she couldn’t supply a valid I.D. – Must be a pretty classy pawn shop, if you need a real I.D.
WATCH: Brooke Mueller’s Pawn Shop Jaunt
Brooke’s Child Support Payments From Charlie Sheen
Interesting note: Brooke gets $55,000 EVERY MONTH in child support from Charlie, not to mention, the millions she received when they divorced. So, WHY does she need to pawn anything? How much blow can you possibly buy in a month? And hasn’t she ever heard of ebay? No one asks for I.D. on ebay. Stupid Brooke.
Brooke Mueller’s Drug Test Refusal
(Background Info: Brooke and Charlie both agreed to random drug-testing, as part of their custody settlement.)
Brooke was scheduled to have a drug test at 6pm on Friday…yet when the drug testers showed up at her home, Brooke’s lawyer, was all, “Nuh-uh! Brooke doesn’t need to take no drug test!”* (or something like that, we imagine).
Obviously, Brooke didn’t want to take the drug test, because she was offended that anyone would doubt her sobriety in the first place. She was overheard telling the drug testers (in a British accent), “I will surely not dignify your suspicions by submitting myself to your mandatory drug tests!”* There you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth. This clearly proves that Brooke is clean and sober.
According to the terms of Brooke & Charlie’s custody settlement:
refusing to take a drug test = a dirty drug test
So which coke fiend will get to keep these lucky kids? Will it be unemployed Charlie Sheen? Bat-sh*t crazy Brooke Mueller? OR will it be the wannabe-pornstar Goddesses?!?
This one’s got me on the edge of my seat!! I can’t wait to find out how this story ends! (Will it end?)
*Disclaimer: No one said any of these things.