American Idol Season 10 Recap: Top 13

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American Idol Top 13

In a perfect world, we’d send half of the American Idol contestants home straight away. But unfortunately, only one person will be cleansed from our ears tonight on American Idol. If it were up to me, I would chop it up real quick. But, staying true to AI fashion, we must drag this thing out for as long as possible.

American Idol Top 13 — Season 10 Recap

Lauren Alaina: Staying
American Idol Top 13

The judges thought she was a bit boring, but she’s still one of the only girls that doesn’t totally suck.

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Casey Abrams: Staying
American Idol Top 13

Perfect. Always perfect.

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Ashthon Jones: Staying. Unfortunately (Update: Leaving. I Ain’t Mad at That)
American Idol Top 13

Pretty terrible. I wish we could send you home right now, you cocky son of a birch.

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Paul McDonald: Staying
American Idol Top 13

I love you, Pauly. But tonight was not your best performance. Not at all. It’s ok though, I forgive you.

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Pia Toscano: Staying. And Swimming.
American Idol Top 13

What was up with that dumb cape-like thing? Or was it a tail? And every time she sings, she moves her left arm all around, as if she’s swimming in circles. So distracting. If she could stop the arm waving, I would like her a lot more.

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James Durbin: Staying
American Idol Top 13

Nice job switching things up, a decent surprise.

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Haley Reinhart: Staying (Update: Bottom 3)
American Idol Top 13

Way too much yodeling. It was cool and different at first, but then, all of a sudden, it sounded like a pack of wolves took over the song. Next week, no howling.

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Jacob Lusk: Staying
American Idol Top 13

That is how you start a song off right. It was a little pitchy in places, but I love this guy.

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Thia Megia: Staying. Another Unfortunate Tagalong.
American Idol Top 13

When she started, I was just about to say that she was finally singing well for once….and then she went back to her old, awful, off-pitch ways. WHY must she continuously attack me with her death notes? I DON’T EVEN KNOW HER!!

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Stefano Langone: Staying
American Idol Top 13

This week was definitely an improvement from last week’s performance. Way to prove that you’re not a waste of a wild card, like those other two howling beasts.

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Karen Rodriguez: Staying (Update: Bottom 3)
American Idol Top 13

From Mini-J.Lo to Mini Selena. I guess it all fits, seeing as J.Lo played Selena. Maybe if they make a movie about J.Lo playing Selena, you could star as J.Lo.

That aside, this was not the most exciting performance I’ve ever seen. It was actually so boring, that I paid little to no attention to it at all.

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Scotty McCreary: Staying
American Idol Top 13

Scotty is soo full of himself. Why does he sing out the side of his mouth? Why does he lilt to one side, as if he’s some sort of country pimp? And for god’s sake, STOP wearing that ugly camouflage visor! Stupid redneck. Ugliness aside, I guess it fits your stupid country style. I like your voice, I just don’t like your style.

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Naima Adedapo: LEAVING!!! (Update: America Sucks, She’s Staying)
American Idol Top 13

We can take solace in the fact that this clown will almost assuredly be leaving us. Although, I will miss that shell necklace, which perfectly matches her mangle-mouth.

She continues to sing terribly, but the judges threw her a wild card, simply because they felt bad that she’s a poor janitor. I, on the other hand, have a heart of stone, so I never forget that this is American Idol, not American Janitor with Kids, and a Lot of Other Sad Circumstantial Life Crap. I will be quite happy to see her leave. Good thing she has her fashion design skills to fall back on….

Thanks for reading, b!tches.
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