Oh, what a week. The worst singers in the world were finally voted off American Idol last week, and the whole of humanity in possession of functioning ears could not be happier.

Now that we’re down to the Top 9, we have a little predicament: the remaining contestants are all pretty good. No one induced ear bleeding during last night’s performance… So who will go home? Nobody knows.

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After last week’s emotional results show, I cannot wait for tonight’s eliminations. It’s my birthday, so I positively DEMAND that things go my way tonight. There will be TWO contestants going home, and I’m so nervous, I could puke.

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This show is torturous. Every week, viewers die a little more inside. At least we have J.Lo’s gorgeous-ness to comfort us as we lay dying.

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This show is starting to annoy the crap outta me. I wish there was a way to speed things along, but we’re moving at a glacial pace here, and we still have 12 of these morons left. Some of them aren’t as moronic as others, but that’s beside the point.

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In a perfect world, we’d send half of the American Idol contestants home straight away. But unfortunately, only one person will be cleansed from our ears tonight on American Idol. If it were up to me, I would chop it up real quick. But, staying true to AI fashion, we must drag this thing out for as long as possible.

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