¡Hola, amigos! Hoy es Cinco de Mayo, y, ¡Ay dios mio!, there are only five contestants left on American Idol! Do you know what that means? Next week, there will be only four contestants left! (Math is, like, so hard, right??)

It also means that, now, there is enough time during the American Idol performance episodes to make let each kid sing twice. YAY.

During last night’s show, each contestant sang a song from “now” (from the past five years, or so), and a song from “then” (from the 1960s or 1970s). Thus, the clever American Idol producers dubbed the theme of the night, “Now and Then”.

Ok, enough jib-jabbing, time to start this stupid American Idol Season 10 recap shenanigans:

American Idol Top 5 — Season 10 Recap: Now and Then

UPDATE:

The results are in, and, as always, Hot Shiitake’s American Idol expert has made a correct prediction. As… always?

Click here to see the full results at the bottom of the post.

Round One: The Songs of Now

James Durbin
James Durbin’s Song of Now: “Closer To The Edge,” by 30 Seconds To Mars
	Honestly, this performance was quite pitchy. It was definitely not his best performance. It might even have been James’ worst performance so far.BUT James’ worst is still FAR better than Naima’s best. ‘Memba her? I almost can’t believe I just compared the two. Compared to Naima, this was the best performance in the world. I’m totally on Team James.

Jacob Lusk
Jacob Lusk’s Song of Now: “No Air,” by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown
	Look at Jacob – being all relevant and singing the only known song by Jordin Sparks, our favorite MySpace hoe! How adorable!Other than that, I don’t think I liked this performance. Jacob got a little too wild wit’ it. He’s very excitable – that’s a nice way to put it.

Lauren Alaina
Lauren Alaina’s Song of Now: “Flat On The Floor” by Carrie Underwood
	I liked this performance. Lauren really seemed to open up as a performer, and even threw in some Haley-esque dance moves to go along with her usual heel-kicks.Also: (Surprisingly) LOVED Lauren Alaina’s outfit.

Scotty McCreery
Scotty McCreery’s Song of Now: “Gone,” by Montgomery Gentry
	D-bag.

Haley Reinhart
Haley Renhart’s Song of Now: “You and I,” by Lady Gaga
	Haley made a bold move, by choosing to sing an UNRELEASED Lady GaGa GagMe song! Don’t worry though, she got permission from Queen GagMe beforehand.I really like Haley, and I thought this performance was just fine… by which, I mean: I don’t remember having any problems with it, so whate’er, moving on.

Ok, Kiddos, now it’s time for Round Two: The Songs of Then

James Durbin
James Durbin’s Song of Then: “Without You,” by Badfinger
	Bless my heart, let my soul rejoice! This performance totally makes up for his first song.HE CRIED! ADORABLEZ! I love James so much.Go get ‘em, Tiger! Knock ‘em dead!

Jacob Lusk
Jacob Lusk’s Song of Then: “Love Hurts,” by The Everly Brothers/Roy Orbison
	Overall, I think I recall not completely hating this performance. It was certainly better than the first song he sang.

Lauren Alaina
Lauren Alaina’s Song of Then: “Unchained Melody,” by The Righteous Brothers
	Honestly, I didn’t like it.My parents both absolutely hated it. You should’ve heard my dad going on, and on.My dad thinks Lauren is going to end up like Wynonna Judd, but I have absolutely NO IDEA what he means by that. However, my dad’s crack usage is a topic for a whole ‘nother discussion.

Scotty McCreery
Scotty McCreery’s Song of Then: “Always On My Mind,” by Brenda Lee/Elvis Presley
	Stoopid-head.

Haley Reinhart
Haley Reinhart’s Song of Then: “House Of The Rising Sun,” by The Animals
	Nailed it! This great performance should save Haley for at least another week!

SO, WHO’S GOING HOME TONIGHT ON AMERICAN IDOL?

Hot Shiitake’s American Idol expert have been placed, and we believe Jacob Lusk will be leaving tonight. See ya, Jacob. It’s been real, and it really is too bad that it probably won’t be Scotty going home tonight.

You know what the worst part is? Once Jacob leaves us, there will be only white children left to sing for us.

AMERICA, YOU ARE A SACK OF RACIST BULL S#!TTERS.

Ok, perhaps it’s not necessarily ALL of America’s fault that Jacob is the only non-white kid left, and that his time to leave us is approaching; sometimes you just need to yell.

American Idol Results UPDATE:

Jacob Lusk was sent packin’.
Told’ja