This show is torturous. Every week, viewers die a little more inside. At least we have J.Lo’s gorgeous-ness to comfort us as we lay dying.

American Idol Top 11 — Season 10 Recap: Motown Night

Let’s get this review over with.

Casey Abrams
Performed ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’
Prediction: Staying. (Duh.)
	Do we even need to review his performance? Casey is obviously going to win this whole competition, so I see no need to keep dragging this thing out.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Bottom 3 OH MY GOD. America tried to send this amazingly talented guy home??? Did people just assume that he was safe, and decide he didn’t need their vote? THANK GOD the judges saved him. I am not the least bit surprised that they used their only “save” on Casey. This just goes to prove that the people voting for American Idol really are a bunch of complete nincompoops.)

Thia Megia
Performed ‘Love is Like a Heatwave’
Prediction: Staying
	Thia Megia is still dreadful, but this week’s performance was an improvement. UGH. America just loves her sooo much. She better keep singing up-tempo songs, because apparently, it’s the only way she can hit the proper notes.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Bottom 3 Thank god, she was finally put in the bottom 3. I thought she might actually be going home, until the show went completely INSANE

Jacob Lusk
Performed ‘You’re All I Need to Get By’
Prediction: Staying
	Lord bless our souls! This performance was exactly what Jacob needed to give us. Such an improvement. Spot-on. Just great.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Staying Yep. Lusty Lusky is staying another week. Ok, he’s not really lusty, but we at Hot Shiitake never pass up an opportunity for a good ol’ rhyme.

Lauren Alaina
Performed ‘You Keep Me Hangin’ On’
Prediction: Staying
	Great performance. She’s one of the best girls this season. Actually, she is the best. So far, all of the others are either completely disgusting, or boring as crap.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Staying Staying, indeed.

Stefano Langone
Performed ‘Hello’
Prediction: Staying
	Ahh. Such joy rings out in the cold, black heart of Hot Shiitake’s American Idol beat cop. He has really hit his stride, and we love him more and more every week.Side note: How adorablez is Stefano? Try as he might, he just CANNOT keep those peepers open. He was very obviously trying to take the judge’s advice, but when his eyes were open, they were still all squinty. Almost painful to watch, but an “A” for effort.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Bottom 3 When Ryan told Stefano & Casey that they were the Bottom 2, you could see in Stefano’s eyes, he was so sure he was going home. I’m almost glad that Casey was the one with the least votes tonight, because I’m not so sure the judges would’ve saved Stefano. This was the craziest AI episode EVER.

Haley Reinhart
Performed ‘You’ve Really Got a Hold On Me’
Prediction: Bottom 3, then going home.
	I actually liked her performance this week, but I think America is done with her. Too bad.
	RESULTS UPDATE: NOT Bottom 3 Not bottom 3, not going home – staying. Ho hum.

Scotty McCreery
Performed ‘For Once In My Life’
Prediction: Bottom 3
	I just realized I’ve been spelling this kid’s name wrong all these weeks. Oh well, serves him right for being such a dbag.He turned Motown into Country, and it was just lame.
	RESULTS UPDATE: NOT Bottom 3 Nope, not Bottom 3. But he’s still annoying

Pia Toscano
Performed ‘All In Love Is Fair’
Prediction: Staying
	SO BORING! She’s so boring. I can’t take it anymore!!!! She might be a talented singer, but I just don’t care.Also, the violinist in the beginning of her song was TERRIBLE. I hope they were promptly fired after the show.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Staying Yep, America’s most oring girl is staying to bore us all another week.

Paul McDonald
Performed ‘The Tracks of My Tears’
Prediction: Staying
	I’m so in love with Old McDonald. The backup singers sucked though. There’s always something.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Staying Old McDonald has another week, e-i-e-i-o.

Naima Adedapo
Performed ‘Dancing in the Street’
Prediction: Bottom 3
	Naima’s performance this week was an improvement, although there’s no possible way she could have done worse than her previous performances. She’s still a pile of vomit, and it’ll be such a relief to ears ’round the world, when she finally gets the boot from American Idol.Maybe if we predict she’s going to stay tonight, she’ll actually go home. One can only hope.
	RESULTS UPDATE: NOT in the Bottom 3 WHY doesn’t America hate her as much as they should? She is just beyond terrible in every way. STOP VOTING FOR HER, JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL BAD THAT SHE’S A JANITOR WITH THE SCARIEST SET OF TEETH IN THE WORLD. Good Christ.

James Durbin
Prediction: Staying
Performed ‘Living for the City’
	I really like this kid. There were a few pitch issues, but I can get over it for now.
	RESULTS UPDATE: Staying James Durbin is here to stay.

So, Who Got Voted Off American Idol Tonight??

This was the absolute CRAZIEST American Idol Results show EVER. It had Hot Shiitake’s psychotic AI expert literally screaming, crying, and vomiting, all at once – a scene we should all be happy we didn’t witness. Did voters f–k up in a big way? You may be shocked at how it all went down… or maybe not, after all, who are we to judge you and your dumb life? Anywho, at the end of the day, there’s good news, and there’s bad news…

Good News

Nobody that you should love went home, and all these crazy kids get to go on tour this summer, as the American Idol Top 11, instead of the usual Top 10. (Madness. Pure madness.)
Now, for the BAD news:

Naima and her mangled teeth are still here. Which is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.