Today is truly a great day. A great day for the whole wide world. Yes, it’s March 1, and today is a double-whammy in the world of celebrity birthdays. Let us all raise our voices in unison, and wish a great, big, happy birthday to Justin “Baby” Bieber (… and to Ke$ha “Baby Hooker” Sebert)!!

Ahh, I do soo love little Biebs, and I mean that, from the very bottom of my black heart. It’s Justin Bieber‘s 17th birthday, and I hope he stays in pop music forever and ever and ever; ’til he’s a senile, cranky, perverted 84-year-old man. Little cutie.

Where to Send Your Justin Bieber Birthday Gifts

If you’re some type of sick-o, or, perhaps, a crazed tweeny bopper, and happen to feel the urge to give JB a birthday BJ (or any other birthday gift, for that matter), he would like you to direct those gifts, in the form of a monetary donation, to Charity: Water, which is working to get clean, safe, drinking water to everyone on the planet. What a noble gesture, Biebs. I love you even more today than the day I first laid eyes on you.

Let’s Not Forget, It’s Kesha’s Birthday, too

Kesha Sebert, on the other hand, turns 24 today, and has stated that she will gladly accept any, and every, birthday BJ that anyone should be so kind as to send her way.*

*Kesha Sebert has not made any such official statement, but it’s probably safe to assume this to be true.